Categotry Archives: Poems

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Stuck Here

Categories: Poems, Tags: , , , , ,

No beauty & I am tired of you, your voice. Yelling, then nice, then yelling. No poem could express the impact

Of all these years; our child, confused & trying
to be a man.

I despise you for your hate, which in turn makes
me hate you. That is not my nature.

I want to kick the sky down & see a flurry of
sparrows, crows, seagulls. I want them to gather me

& lift me away, far from your voice or your reach.

-Heather Lenz Feb 2015

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So I Thought

Categories: Poems, Tags: , , , , , ,

 

Bonnybbx / Pixabay

 

So I Thought

All years of would-be, could’ve been love-
All of them behind me, some residue of
A dream at the bottom of an abandoned
Wishing Well,

weeds consuming the landscape.
Some shadow of a girl dancing
with light in her eyes.

And you keep treading water, and I keep
sinking downward, never knowing

what to expect in
such dark waves.

I look for coral reefs and
see my reflection in some
old mirror, cracked by time and pressure.

I see I am no Siren, even though my hair
is red and my skin fair, even though

I thought I had enough songs to last me
a lifetime.

-Heather Lenz
January 14, 2016

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Rain & Hail

Categories: Poems, Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

 

Unsplash / Pixabay

 

Rain & Hail

It’s pelting against my window- I can’t sleep.
The birds left scars of beauty in sunlight-
I watched them feed & thought of you- your
final flight or descent. And, I know where that
place is- that which holds so much terror you
dare not breathe. Where you are afraid of your
own reflection & the expectations of a world that
knows so little of your soul. The seeds you planted.

The costume you wore for days on end. The way you
smiled while hugging a tree & from what I was told
you’d never raise your voice. You didn’t know your
rarity or heroism. Somewhere down the line after

you tried to settle back in, it all got so clouded &
I did not know you so I could not reach you. But, I
know your kind, am your kind, would have loved you
frequently & with assurance. And my heart collapses

to see your eyes in your father’s eyes & the heart
in him torn asunder, that I can do little about.

I wrote a poem that was inspired by your father’s
love, you know. Just as I am writing this while I hurt
in ways that not be named or openly
discussed. This is what makes me wish you alive

even more- to know that you felt that bad & I,
by some miracle of a god I’m very pissed off at,
might have found you & helped you make the
shadows, moonbeams, birds or
whatever was your favorite country song to sing…
rise up & call us in-  then dance the pain away.

I am sorry for our kind-  for various warriors.

Every great heart that turns inward. Every
thought or tear that rises within the morning
of rain and hail, is filled with you & your father

as he slowly gets out of bed & sees your eyes in his-

then echoes his cries in the shock of you gone.

& the blue skies of
seldom summers, that you

fought so hard to defend.

~Heather Lenz
Dec. 2015

in loving memory and respect for E.D.

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You Love It

Categories: Poems, Tags: , , , , , , ,

 

yell

How words chosen precisely to wreak maximum damage ticked like a bomb in your head, but exploded in your heart hours later, leaving you scarred and changed.”

~ Justina Chen, from North of Beautiful

You Love It

When I’m down &
can’t seem to find
my way around,

When I lean on you
for who else is there,
& you laugh & entangle
your will through my hair

& it’s no crown of daisies
but it’s a really good lie,
To cover up the reasons
I break down & cry

With this weight like a chain
pulling me tight,
& I lose my ground
& I give up the fight

So long ago you claimed
no one really cared,
That they’d all turn away
so I could leave if I dared.

In prayer I sought help
& called out in the night,
But no one responded
so I guess you were right.

& I know how you love
to see my world broken,
& the way that I bleed
from things that were spoken

Now quiet I walk
down the hall & shut the door…
I never bother to call
or search any more.

-Heather Lenz

2015

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in the pink

Categories: Poems, Tags: , , , , ,

Starring PINK

 

in the pink

flesh in a plastic cup. let pink petals fall forever.
the machines tick & click like wayward clocks-
every woman
reeks of fear.

here in a flowery robe, i gaze at magazine covers-
the women with full breasts smile in their youth.
others dress casually, assured in their poses

that all the recipes in the pages
will fill up your every desire & win over
lover & guest.

they don’t know who is looking at them.
who envies them enough to want to spit
at the calm fake candles glowing with
spa-like radiance.

glow. images on the machine glow.
i watch the blacks & whites move
as the magic wand
presses against me.

they are like ghosts & phantoms
dancing together. laughing crazily
from too much excitement.

now at home it’s raining. past 2 a.m.
i am tender & obscure.

i wish there were a friend to call.
i wish my family knew me well.

i wish i could feel the hard weight
of a good man linger

in all this tenderness.

-Heather Lenz

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